(inevitably ending in incoherent ranting and sadness)
I can't imagine who would want a phone not filled with 100 incredibly useless features. And frankly, these days, you can't find a normal phone without at least 80 of such pointless doodads anymore. But, the point is, my phone absolutely takes the cake in this area.
Now, what I actually do use on this sweet liquorice puppy are its abilities to disturb people, be disturbed by people and to listen to the sound of my girlfriend's melodic voice. Standard features, you hear? Open up the tools and settings pages, and a whole plethora of unfamiliar crap stares back at you. Why is there a chat room, a tone editor, etc etc, in my phone? I do not know... I do not know.
Half the games on this phone are pointless, one being a bad version of pacman where you control a farting car (serious), a bad version of snake where you control the helpless and snake-edible pixel, and a puzzler involving mines that would be half ok if it weren't laggy as hell and unresponsive to boot. That's a criticism that could extend to all the games, in fact. The other half, or less than helf, are two decent games that don't measure up to the awesome port of Tetris that I had on my previous phone, which drowned in the salty waters of Sentosa, and for which I still weep for from time to time.
What I also use is the camera, which gives a incredibly high resolution while incredulously remaining blurry and grainy (see photo below). Within the camera function are several related thingies that I'll never explore, like photo stitching and video taking, though Fiona's played around with those. She's also composed some rocking ring tones with the phone's melody composer, including hot indie hits and the katamari damancy theme song (thanks darling - kiss).
Remaining features not detailed on the specifications list, which are added probably as a secret bonus, are the ability to lose reception in almost any enclosed space, blocking out incoming and outgoing communications, and the secondary ability to lose you friends via the former. Good stuff.
Not all is lost though. The alarm tool seriously gives you a good fight, refusing to back down after you turn it off sleepily by reverting to an undocumented sleep mode, requiring you to open the phone and curse at it to shut-it-the-hell-up. Also, it looks purty and has the amazing ability to be carried in your pocket, as well as in your hand, and on your desk, and...
So, how does my phone take the cake in terms of superfluous features that add utterly no value? Through it's stupidly useless finger writing technology, that's how. This amazing technology allows you to write sms-es by dragging your finger across the keypad. Wow, how cool is that, right? You don't even need a stylus, just a finger - and we all can appreciate how much harder it is to lose your finger. Yeah.. well this would be nominee and prize-taker for the Essential Phone Feature Category in the year 2005 awesome phone awards but for one thing - tracing and confirming each alphabet, one by one, is the most excruciating and aggravating activity a person can not have fun with. Trace, choose correct letter that the A668 phone guesses for you, enter, wait for phone to record selection, start again with second letter... if reading this sentence took you twenty seconds, I can assure you that it'd take me twenty hours to type it out for you on my phone. By the sheer unintuitiveness of these feature, the aforementioned prize is immediately revoked, and replaced by - the year 2005 retarded phone prize.
Alright, been rambling for a bit. Please don't be mistaken by this tongue-in-cheek faux review. I do love my phone. It's absolutely a triumph of style over substance, and I guess that's fine for me. I sure do love purty things. Purty fecking useless things.
posted by Shaocong @ 4:17 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home