Carl's Jr racy tv advert never got shown in Singapore, or anywhere in fact, but that doesn't stop it from combining the most desirable subjects of a man's imagination - juicy, succulent beef between crisp lettuce and fresh, hot hamburger buns, paired with Ms Paris Hilton, relishing the burger like a big cat relishes its prey.
The effect completely slipped by me though, cause I'm not so keen on meat, being more of a veg kinda guy. I did appreciate the primal power of the commercial, and Paris Hilton's amazing way of making messy, huge meat burgers sexy as hell by leaving them all over her chin and chest..
It is a testimony to my extreme nerddom and loserhood, then, that I think this picture would likely be far more effective on my demographic.
I got to get me some of that.. aw yeahh..
(Disclaimer to Fiona: It's not about the Hilton, it's about the XBOX 360.. heh.. love you!)
www.churchsigngenerator.com
Man, I'm glad I resisted the urge to make something inappropriate! Haha, you couldn't possibly imagine how hard that was.. think of all the possibilities! I'd won't even be able to choose which hell I wanted to go to if I didn't restrain myself.. what the hell did that mean? I don't know, lolololol
...
Aw hell, I can't resist. This one's for all the brothers! *wink*
If you were to ask me for advice, I would usually advise you to approach another far wiser person. For example, to the question "hey dude my ex-girlfriend's upset because [insert something genuinely upsetting], so what should I message her in reply", I would meditate on your query for a good few minutes, and say, "girls are sensitive. you'd better type 'lol ok sure' and she'll know you care."
"whoa! that's great advice, thanks a lot bro."
Well, the point is that I'm a shitty advice giver, and the only sort of relationship advice you should risk taking from me should be strictly the sort that has already ended by your own inept means. That is why when I came across
http://www.warninglabelgenerator.com/
I immediately jumped upon the opportunity to pick a warning sign and apply myself to making the world a better place, by creating something that says hey man, that thing you're doing, it's gonna hurt real bad.
Try it yourself, and I'd love to see what you would come up with!
Here's my solid piece of wisdom and experience, for the ages. Doesn't it feel fantastic to have saved countless lives with sensible legal restrictions?
It's bad for your health, kids.
Who's back in Singapore?? Yay, my girlfriend!!! wheeee~
Who has a red pole sticking out of his head?? Yay, me!!
This is the b-b-brothers' night out! w00t! From left: D.J. Nick, S-s-me, 'No-more-drinking' Wenxiang, TONGKAT DRAGON INTERNATIONAL CLUBBING KING RYAN, and Metal Gear Adrian.
Brief explanation for the monikers:
Nick does kick-ass techno mixes that he carries around in his mp3 player, and spins techno at all the brother gatherings! It's a shame he doesn't have a record deal with some German dance label, yet. Soon though, I hope;
H-h-hey!! I'm just r-r-retarded;
Wenxiang has drank himself into needing a spare liver from drinking with the rest of us. Anyone's got a spare organ to let? Contact us. Oh, but you should have seen the man in his prime. Not even a Russian could take him. I used to suspect he had 6 livers and they all died one by one because of us.. sorry man;
OMG TONGKAT RYAN!!!!!!!!111one11 This practically requires more than one paragraph, but you can be sure the story's going to appear here somehow, sometime. heh heh heh;
MGS Adrian once donned an SBO at one of our class gatherings to crawl up uncomfortable sand dunes, roll in shallow salty sea water, and run around East Coast in the dark with plastic guns, just so we could film him for a class video. That is dedication to art, fellow readers - uncompromised, bloody, primal Adrian-ity. That night clubbing, however, Ryan did the MGS.. but he's always the man..
Heh again I reiterate to the people involved: we better meet up soon bruddas!!!
Bonus: Am I Retarded, Or Just Brilliant?
Ans:
I'm wonderfully blessed in that my parents provide me with all the love, care warmth and hi-tech purple thumbdrives I could ever want in the world as a spoilt, materialistic consumer whore.
I'm naming it Lil' Prince, short for "the thumbdrive previously known as Lil' Prince". After a while its name will be abbreviated to "the thumbdrive". Such is the fickle nature of sexy purple things in this modern life.
Lovely Girlfriend and Some Embarassing Arse-hole in the Background
She's pretty and she's stressed to bits in Bintan right on holiday right before the exams. She's pretty and probably very embarassed to see her picture online. Aww, don't be stressed darling, you'll do fine..
Man, I do miss the sun. Oh, by the way, this is what a sunny day looks like taken by my handphone - looks like the bloody foggy London you see in movies. Is pollution really that bad or is my phone a monument to mediocre technology? Maybe the finger tracing technology compensates in this sense.. even a doodle would capture the scene slightly better.
He's into men and mantits. He plays ps2 games about making love to little girls' corpses and murdering docile creatures. You want to escape the shadow of his colossal wang, or what he likes to call his teeny tadger. How's Tiny Tim doing down there, Shaun?
Oh at least the camera's good enough to catch useless details like this, lololol.
Spoon - Gimme Fiction Review #2
My word processor crashed just when I was closing it to go to sleep, so I lost half the night's work just 4 days before the exam. So what do I do, rant about it? Hell, no! I'm going to tell you how much I want to spoon with this perfect Spoon album, and listen to Maximo Park's Apply Some Pressure which has a line about starting over when you lose everything. Why dwell over spilled milk? hahaha
Anyway, onto the main subject of this post, where I would like to assert, with absolutely certainty, that Spoon's newest album Gimme Fiction is about ten hundred times better and less sucky than losing half of your work 4 days before the exam to a faulty word processor.
An Attempt to Review my Phone
(inevitably ending in incoherent ranting and sadness)
I can't imagine who would want a phone not filled with 100 incredibly useless features. And frankly, these days, you can't find a normal phone without at least 80 of such pointless doodads anymore. But, the point is, my phone absolutely takes the cake in this area.
Now, what I actually do use on this sweet liquorice puppy are its abilities to disturb people, be disturbed by people and to listen to the sound of my girlfriend's melodic voice. Standard features, you hear? Open up the tools and settings pages, and a whole plethora of unfamiliar crap stares back at you. Why is there a chat room, a tone editor, etc etc, in my phone? I do not know... I do not know.
Half the games on this phone are pointless, one being a bad version of pacman where you control a farting car (serious), a bad version of snake where you control the helpless and snake-edible pixel, and a puzzler involving mines that would be half ok if it weren't laggy as hell and unresponsive to boot. That's a criticism that could extend to all the games, in fact. The other half, or less than helf, are two decent games that don't measure up to the awesome port of Tetris that I had on my previous phone, which drowned in the salty waters of Sentosa, and for which I still weep for from time to time.
What I also use is the camera, which gives a incredibly high resolution while incredulously remaining blurry and grainy (see photo below). Within the camera function are several related thingies that I'll never explore, like photo stitching and video taking, though Fiona's played around with those. She's also composed some rocking ring tones with the phone's melody composer, including hot indie hits and the katamari damancy theme song (thanks darling - kiss).
Remaining features not detailed on the specifications list, which are added probably as a secret bonus, are the ability to lose reception in almost any enclosed space, blocking out incoming and outgoing communications, and the secondary ability to lose you friends via the former. Good stuff.
Not all is lost though. The alarm tool seriously gives you a good fight, refusing to back down after you turn it off sleepily by reverting to an undocumented sleep mode, requiring you to open the phone and curse at it to shut-it-the-hell-up. Also, it looks purty and has the amazing ability to be carried in your pocket, as well as in your hand, and on your desk, and...
So, how does my phone take the cake in terms of superfluous features that add utterly no value? Through it's stupidly useless finger writing technology, that's how. This amazing technology allows you to write sms-es by dragging your finger across the keypad. Wow, how cool is that, right? You don't even need a stylus, just a finger - and we all can appreciate how much harder it is to lose your finger. Yeah.. well this would be nominee and prize-taker for the Essential Phone Feature Category in the year 2005 awesome phone awards but for one thing - tracing and confirming each alphabet, one by one, is the most excruciating and aggravating activity a person can not have fun with. Trace, choose correct letter that the A668 phone guesses for you, enter, wait for phone to record selection, start again with second letter... if reading this sentence took you twenty seconds, I can assure you that it'd take me twenty hours to type it out for you on my phone. By the sheer unintuitiveness of these feature, the aforementioned prize is immediately revoked, and replaced by - the year 2005 retarded phone prize.
Alright, been rambling for a bit. Please don't be mistaken by this tongue-in-cheek faux review. I do love my phone. It's absolutely a triumph of style over substance, and I guess that's fine for me. I sure do love purty things. Purty fecking useless things.
Because who wouldn't post a picture of their pretty girlfriend in a particularly embarrassing shot on their blog?
*muacks*
(click picture to explode it)
Ans: People who don't have kick-ass camera phones
